I’m not sure why, but I am a very jealous person. Not for material objects, but dreams made a reality, achievements, and bliss. Obviously, I didn’t have the courage to make my dreams a reality.
There’s this girl that I worked with at the Lake Louise ski and snowboard school during the 1997-98 and 1998-99 seasons. Let’s call her J. She was a nice girl. A little bit stuck up, but generally pleasant to me. I skied with her on occasion during free time. Now, this is going to come out wrong, I know it. J was a very good skier… for a girl. lol. What I mean is, generally the men are more aggressive skiers. But J could keep up. In fact, she was a technically better, more confident skier, than many of the men in the school. I have nothing but good things to say about her ability.
We both did our CSIA level 2 and 3 courses together. Not to toot my own horn, but the following season after achieving my 3, I was shown in the CSIA level 3 course video as above standard. I am still a level 3 instructor. I haven’t done anything meaningful in ski teaching since I returned to Ontario. Last year I saw J in a popular ski magazine as a new equipment tester. Today I saw that she made the CSIA High Performance Team. To top it all off, I also see that she has achieved her level 4!
I can’t even begin to imagine how I would feel had I achieved all those things. While I am 100% positive that nothing was handed to her, and that she had to work hard to make all those things happen, I can’t help but feel jealous and a little bit depressed. Depressed that I gave up on my dream and went a different path. I know what you’re going to say. “There’s still time! Make your dream a reality!” Truth be told, there isn’t time anymore. The dream will never become a reality. I have commitments now. I can’t just pick up where I left off and walk away. That’s a full-time thing. I only have a little bit of time to give.
“Be happy with what you have”, is what you’ll say next. That’s bullshit. Of course I am happy with what I have. But it’s like the person who attempts to climb Everest, only to have to turn around because of bad weather right near the top. I came close, but didn’t make it to the end. I could have done it. I know it in my heart.
So when I reply to you picture posts, “Totally jealous”, or something along those lines, this is what I mean.
2 thoughts on “Jealousy Is A Bitch”
Reblogged this on Warrior Girl Lifting and commented:
I love the pure honesty of this and the reality of being a grown-up. It may be too late for me as well but I don’t have the same responsibilities and so I will keep trying to find a way.
Totally honest and reality sucks sometimes