Jealousy Is A Bitch

I’m not sure why, but I am a very jealous person.  Not for material objects, but dreams made a reality, achievements, and bliss.  Obviously, I didn’t have the courage to make my dreams a reality.

There’s this girl that I worked with at the Lake Louise ski and snowboard school during the 1997-98 and 1998-99 seasons.  Let’s call her J.  She was a nice girl.  A little bit stuck up, but generally pleasant to me.  I skied with her on occasion during free time.  Now, this is going to come out wrong, I know it.  J was a very good skier… for a girl.  lol.  What I mean is, generally the men are more aggressive skiers.  But J could keep up.  In fact, she was a technically better, more confident skier, than many of the men in the school.  I have nothing but good things to say about her ability.

We both did our CSIA level 2 and 3 courses together.  Not to toot my own horn, but the following season after achieving my 3, I was shown in the CSIA level 3 course video as above standard.  I am still a level 3 instructor.  I haven’t done anything meaningful in ski teaching since I returned to Ontario. Last year I saw J in a popular ski magazine as a new equipment tester.  Today I saw that she made the CSIA High Performance Team.  To top it all off, I also see that she has achieved her level 4!

I can’t even begin to imagine how I would feel had I achieved all those things.  While I am 100% positive that nothing was handed to her, and that she had to work hard to make all those things happen, I can’t help but feel jealous and a little bit depressed.  Depressed that I gave up on my dream and went a different path.  I know what you’re going to say. “There’s still time!  Make your dream a reality!”  Truth be told, there isn’t time anymore.  The dream will never become a reality.  I have commitments now.  I can’t just pick up where I left off and walk away.  That’s a full-time thing.  I only have a little bit of time to give.

“Be happy with what you have”, is what you’ll say next.  That’s bullshit.  Of course I am happy with what I have.  But it’s like the person who attempts to climb Everest, only to have to turn around because of bad weather right near the top.  I came close, but didn’t make it to the end.  I could have done it.  I know it in my heart.

So when I reply to you picture posts, “Totally jealous”, or something along those lines, this is what I mean.

Ski Inspiration #2: Starting with Why

Great post here. I wish I had been able to go to the Fall convention.  Unfortunately I’m not able to participate in the CSIA events like I used to.  Dang shift work.

I used to get embarrassed when I would mention to people that I am a ski instructor. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because growing up, the instructors all seemed like snobs to me. Like, “if you don’t do it my way, you’re not doing it right.” It took a while for me to break that way of thinking. I believe it was on my CSIA level III prep course, while skiing with Rob Buttler, I mentioned that when I became an instructor, I stopped having fun. He told me, “if you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.” From that point on, while I was still obsessed with creating the perfect turns, my teaching method changed.

John Gilles was a huge asset to me in my skiing technique, but I credit myself in taking what he taught me, and making it so it was fun for me. I’d like to think that when I teach a group or an individual, I’m able to show them that it’s all about fun.

The author of this post really has the right ski instructor mentality if you ask me. The hunger to create the perfect turn, but the passion to make it fun!