Been A While

It’s been almost 2 months since I last made an entry.  It’s not that I’ve been too busy, or couldn’t come up with something to talk about, but rather I’ve sort of turned on myself more than ever. It’s been a struggle to not let my depression affect my wife and kids. That has been my main goal as of late. 

Nevertheless, I’ve been at the gym quite a bit (both BJJ and fitness center).  Let’s see, where to start…  Well I’m fat as shit. I haven’t had the will power to stop eating. It takes every ounce of my being to workout hard enough so I don’t end up on “My 600lbs Life”. I started a new exercise routine that has a lot of heavy lifting. Mixing it up with high intensity cardio had been pretty good.  I can honestly say that my muscles are completely spent by the time my 90min is up.  The first week I was sore as fuck. That’s to be expected though. For the last year or two, my workouts have been of a lighter weight, more reps in nature.

On the mats quite a bit has happened.  Let’s see…  I’ve been attending more classes. Or at least as many as I can. I’ve been to a seminar with world champion Jaoa Assis. That was great. I learned so much, and I’ve already successfully implemented it in to my gi game. A couple of weeks ago I got the 4th stripe on my blue belt.  That’s exciting, right?  I don’t k ow if I deserve it, but it happened. Rolling has been pretty good. I seem to be moving a bit better.  I wish my bottom game would improve. I try so hard down there, but always seem to get stuck. Oh well, I’ll keep plugging away.  I’m sort of thinking about competing again… We’ll see…

Oh ya, a Whistler trip has been booked for early January. I hope to go. 🙂

The end

I Think I’m Cursed

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Nice wy to start a post, right? Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. So, let’s see… Where to start? Remember that time that I was working all summer so that I could pay off my debt and have a little breathing g room financially for the winter? Well firstly, my boat suddenly developed an oil leak. It had to be fixed. Not only would an oil leak turn in to major engine damage over time, but I couldn’t in good conscious have my boat in the water knowing I was causing damage to the environment (more than I usually do). $1400 for the fix.

Secondly my basement started leaking. No major river, but any leak is a bad thing. So I’ve torn out the drywall, vapor barrier, and insulation exposing the foundation. It’s a bit of a mystery. No cracks… I’ve spent hours contemplating what the problem could be. Now I need a major rain storm to see if I’ve fixed it. I lie in bed at night thinking about how much it’s going to cost to dig up the back yard and water proof if my “fix” wasn’t the issue.

Thirdly, I got in shit at work from management for expressing an opinion. An opinion people. Not breaking the rules or policy, but saying what I think. I’m in no danger of getting fired (I’m an unionized public servant, good luck), but it really bothers me. What the fuck is this world coming to when you can’t express yourself? I’d tell you more about it, but section 107 of the particular government act I enforce, prohibits it. Trust me, you’d shake your head if you knew…

Fourthly, my leg injury doesn’t seem to be improving. It pains me constantly. Plus, after checking out my knee X-rays this week, the doctor has ordered MRI on both of them. To top it all off, I’m sick as fuck!!! ARGHHHHHJH!!!! I can’t train for the Ontario BJJ provincial championships which is fast approaching.

I’m very frustrated with everything. I don’t deal with stress well. It all bottles up inside me and I end up in a depression which affects my sleep and general mood. Of course this affects my family. It’s hard to look on the bright side, you know?

That’s all.

How to Get Through One of Those Days

Interesting read from a well written blog.

How to Get Through One of Those Days.

We’ve all been there, bad mood, bad day, maybe bad month or even a bad year. I recently had a couple of hard weeks. They were just BAD!!! Here’s how I get through. Maybe it’ll help you the next time you’re feeling a bit low.

We recently moved across the country to a small town. I had to leave sunny California, all my besties, family, work and all that vitamin D (aka sunshine= happiness.) Needless to say, this has been no easy ordeal for me.  During this time I’ve found it easy to linger in the past and dream of the future, but that is not doing my present much justice. I was not ok with wishing my life away. Whenever I found my mind wandering I would begin to repeat:

“I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now” (along with some deep breaths)

Next, at bedtime it would be so easy for my mind to race and negatively affect my sleep. I’d lay and worry and feel even crappier the next morning, which did not help my situation. So I started meditating myself to sleep. I would think of people I love, miss or were going through hard times. I’d breathe deep and send them blessings. Sometimes I’d picture the most serene place to me and just “be” there. Or I’d meditate my life the way I wanted it to be. I am no meditation expert, I have no formal training. I just know it works!

I ate “natures Prozac” before bed or as a snack. This is 1/2 a banana and cashews. Together they are medicinal and help relieve the blues.

I logged off. Spending too much time on social media was a consistent reminder that everyone else had a perfect life and mine sucked. We all know that’s not true, but too much Facebook time can certainly make us feel that way. Instead I read, worked out, cooked new dishes, practiced yoga poses I wanted to nail….pretty much anything that kept me away from the screen. After a day or so it became automatic and my addiction was broken and I felt much better. If you have issues with this set some not negotiable parameters around the time you spend on social media. For example, sometimes I take a week off and then allow myself to “catch up” for 30-60 minutes on Saturday or maybe only allow 15 minutes each day. I also give the support I’d like to receive. I “like”, “favorite”, “retweet” and “pin” my friends posts. Share the love, receive the love in return!

I practiced gratitude. I was thankful for my circumstances, in which I was certain to learn something from. I also volunteered. It filled me and reminded me that I was just a small piece of a much bigger world. It helped lift me above my own situation and I spent my energy loving others. (Again, we receive what we give!)

Lastly, I was careful not to find comfort in food (or my other potential addictions.) Sugar in comfort food depletes B vitamins in our system and wreaks havoc on our liver, which means we’re low energy and in a lousy mood (not good on top of the hard time we’re having.) I had to be REALLY honest with myself to prevent emotional eating. When I wanted to eat, I would drink a tall glass of water and busy myself. I’d paint my nails, don a face mask, and/or focus on something that would improve me or my life in some way. I’d turn negative feelings into positive, forget about food, and feel better in some way about what I had accomplished, even if it was just pretty nails.

I hope this helps you the next time you’re feeling a bit low.